


Variety

by kaci3PO



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 01:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/907268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaci3PO/pseuds/kaci3PO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael doesn't understand why Gavin is always around, until suddenly it all starts to make a little bit more sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Variety

Marrying Lindsay was easily the smartest decision Michael has ever made. Way smarter than his choice of degree and even smarter than moving to Austin to work for Achievement Hunter — although, to be fair to that decision, without it, he'd never have met her in the first place. From the day he bought the ring to the moment they said, "I do," Michael Jones never had a second's doubt over his choice of who to spend the rest of his life with, which wasn't really what he'd been expecting. To hear other married people talk, cold feet was as common as the fucking cold. Not for him, though. Lindsay was awesome as dicks and he was pretty sure she was, in fact, the best human being to ever be alive.

(One drunken night, he tried to convince his co-workers of this. Lists were made extolling her virtues, but the only con he could think of was, "Way too good for me;" this was quickly negated with another pro: "The one time I told her that, she laughed, punched me, called me an idiot, told me she loved me, had sex with me in the nearest bathroom stall, punched me a second time, told me I was amazing, called me an idiot again, and kissed me, in precisely that order."

Michael considered this a case well-closed, but somehow, his lists had failed to persuade his co-workers. Michael still has them so that one day, when historians decide to try and figure out who the actual best person to ever live was, they will be able to use his lists as reference. Also, he was drunk when he hid them and now he can't remember where they are to throw them away. Whatever.)

The point is, Michael Jones has the best wife ever and he damn well knows it.

***

"You have the worst wife ever," Gavin tells him one day while they're both supposed to be editing but are, in fact, browsing their Twitter feeds.

Michael can tell there's no venom behind it, but he still feels compelled to defend her against such patently false accusations. He has lists, goddamn it.

"Why's that?"

"Because," Gavin says in all seriousness. "Every man who meets her is doomed to fall instantly in love, but she's going home to shag _your_ sorry arse every day."

Having once had that realization himself, Michael can't really be angry at anyone else who stumbles upon the knowledge, but one could hardly hold that against Lindsay. She couldn't help being perfect; she simply was.

He puts Gavin in a headlock to get his point across, then calmly goes back to scrolling through Twitter.

***

The problem with Gavin is that he's always around. Well, okay, fuck. The guy is annoying as balls and Michael has seriously fantasized about kicking his head in, but the guy was also in his wedding party so he can't exactly deny that he thinks of the asshole as one of his closest friends.

It's just.

He and Lindsay are _married_ now, and not that it was any better when she was his fiancee but at least then he could come up with a bullshit excuse for why Gavin spends so much time hanging out on their couch when Michael can think of about a dozen husband-and-wife type things that he and Lindsay could be doing.

But now, even Gavin should know when a married couple needs alone time. Michael has been around Geoff long enough to know that he's never complained about Gavin not knowing when to take a hint and give him and Griffon some space. Gavin has experience at being the third wheel and knowing when to fuck off, but he never seems to understand when it's time for him to go.

And, perhaps most strangely of all, Lindsay never seems to mind his presence.

***

"Would you rather...have to drink Kool-Aid that is swimming with ants or eat a live spider?"

Lindsay taps her chin thoughtfully for a moment before asking, "How big is the spider?"

"A big one. One of those ones they used to make people eat on _Fear Factor_."

"So basically the question is, 'one big bug or many small bugs,' right?"

"Well," Gavin says, " _basically_ , but you're ignoring the very important factor that the ants have presumably drowned in the Kool-Aid, while the spider is still very much alive."

"Bug murder isn't a big decision point," Linsday says. "I guess I'd take the Kool-Aid, but mostly so that I'd have something to wash the bugs down with."

"Fair enough," Gavin says amiably. "Michael?"

Michael would _rather_ kick Gavin out and spend the evening being a newlywed cliche with his wife, but that doesn't appear to be one of the options.

"The spider," he says. "Fuck that thing. I'll bite its head off."

Lindsay laughs and Michael sighs because her laugh is one of his favorite things about her.

"You're so aggressive, Michael," Gavin teases, but adds, "For myself, I'm with Lindsay and the Kool-Aid, but mostly because I don't want to have to be the one who kills it."

"Pussy," Michael mutters, and Gavin just shrugs.

"Okay. Next one. Would you rather...suck a hundred average dicks or one massive one?"

Before Michael can mock the question, Lindsay pipes up, "How massive are we talking? Like porn-massive, or?"

"Truly gigantic," Gavin says. "Grown men have had forearms smaller than this penis."

"Well," she says reasonably, "No one could actually suck that, could they?"

"That's the crux of the question!" Gavin says happily. "It requires creativity to figure out how to go about the blow job."

Lindsay tilts her head for a moment, considering, and Michael shifts uncomfortably in his seat, though he can't quite figure out why. Finally, she smiles and says, "I think I'll take the hundred dicks. Variety is the spice of life."

Michael raises an eyebrow at her and she laughs again, making it so hard to stay mad at Gavin, since he contributed to her laughter. At least until Gavin turns his attention on Michael.

"Well? Which would you rather, Michael?"

"Neither," Michael says. "I'm not exactly in the business of sucking dick."

"But hypothetically —"

"Hypothetically, I wouldn't pick either."

Gavin sighs. "Fine, you tosser. I would also take a hundred dicks. One dick forever? _Boring._ "

"Wait, wait," Lindsay says, holding out a hand. "Do you have personal experience to back that up?"

"Well —" Gavin says quickly, "I didn't mean — it's just. I would rather not be with just _one person_ , that's all. It's not as interesting that way."

Now it's Lindsay's turn to raise an eyebrow, and she stares at Gavin as he slowly shrinks back away from her on the couch. Michael doesn't understand what she's figuring out, unless it's that Gavin is clearly into dick, which...hello, has Michael not pointed this thousands of times over the last few years?

"You," Lindsay says slowly, "and Geoff and Griffon."

Gavin's mouth falls open and starts stuttering seemingly before Gavin himself realizes he's even talking. "No! Of course not! That's —"

"That's why they keep you around!" Lindsay says triumphantly. "I mean, it's weird, you live here most of the time now and could get an apartment, but you don't! You still stay with them and _that's why_. Oh my God, how on _earth_ have you kept that a secret for so long? You're _you_!"

Michael looks back and forth between them for a moment before he realizes what the hell his wife is getting at and then feels like a fucking idiot that he didn't know.

"Holy shit," he says, causing them both to turn to him. "Is that it, Gavin? Are you like, _literally_ their imported twink?"

"It's — it's not like that," Gavin says. "Not — not really."

"I did not know Geoff swung that way," Michael says thoughtfully, but then he thinks about the Ramseys and Gavin's place with them and he realizes maybe it's not so much a question of swinging any certain way as it is...well, it's Gavin. People have exceptions, right? Especially for people who become like family.

"Shitting Christ," Gavin says. "Look, it's not — it's not like I'm their husband or — or _life partner_ or whatever, okay? I'm not like Millie's other daddy. Just sometimes we get bored and drunk and, well. It's convenient."

"Okay," Lindsay says comfortingly as she reaches out to touch his arm. Michael stares at the spot their bodies meet, unable to tear his eyes away.

"You can't tell anyone," Gavin says. "Geoff would, _literally_ , kill me."

"We won't," she promises, and then turns to Michael. He finally snaps his eyes up when she says his name in a warning tone.

"I won't," he swears, though more for Lindsay's sake than Gavin's. "Although it's fucking cruel to give me the best piece of knowledge ever and then tell me I can't use it against you."

"Yeah, well." Gavin says, and rubs awkwardly at the back of his neck. "I was just — I was just trying to say that I don't think I could do the thing like you two. Just one person. Maybe like Geoff and Griffon, how they let me in sometimes, but really, I'd just rather..." He shrugs and trails off. "I like variety."

"Me too," Lindsay says, and she gives Michael a look that has him sitting up a little straighter on instinct.

"So," she says. "You, Geoff, and Griffon. Is it exclusive? Or are you allowed to see other people?"

"Allowed?" Gavin asks. "They don't _own_ me."

"They kinda do," Michael says, although he's lost the will to fill it with his usual shit-talking glee. He does not like where this is going.

"You know what I mean," she says. "Are the three of you monogamous?"

"No," Gavin says. "Look, can we not talk about this anymore? It's not really my secret to tell, not entirely. Geoff will ship me back to Britain if he ever finds out. I don't want to go back to that weather full time. The rain does things to my hair."

"Couldn't be worse than what you do to it all on your own," Michael says, because he is physically incapable of not mocking Gavin Free.

"Piss off," Gavin says, but it's half-hearted. After a long, awkward moment, he asks, "Would you rather...die the most painful death ever, or die a relatively easy death, come back to life, and repeat it over and over and over again?"

"Wait," Linsday says. "Michael never answered the last one. Which is it, Michael?"

There is something in her eyes that makes him uncomfortable, but which also pins him to his seat and leaves him unable to look away from her. He wants to repeat that he wouldn't do either, but he can tell she's not letting him off that easily.

"Fine," he sighs. "I guess I'd pick the variety, too."

"Hm," Linsday says, and then, "How long do I get after each resurrection before I have to die again? Is it immediate, or do I actually get to hang out for awhile first?"

The corner of Gavin's mouth quirks up in a smile.

***

"Fucking finally," Michael says when the door closes behind Gavin's retreating form. Lindsay clicks her tongue at him, but she's smiling and walking toward him in a way that he's pretty sure means she's about to make it up to him.

"He's not so bad," she says. "I think he's kind of cute."

She reaches out to him, knees pressing down on either side of his hips as she lowers herself onto his lap and fists her hands lightly in his shirt. He looks up at her and marvels at the way her hair frames her face. She is so, so beautiful, not just like this, but always.

"Cute like a puppy is cute?"

"Cute like you're cute," she says, and presses her mouth to his. He rests his hands on the small of her back but pulls away, looking up at her with narrowed eyes.

"Do you — do you _like_ him?"

She presses their foreheads together and answers, "So do you."

He opens his mouth to argue, to tell her that of course he doesn't, he's not gay or bisexual or what-the-fuck-ever and why would he want anyone else in the world _anyway_ when he already has the perfect wife?

But she's _smiling_ , grinning at him like she doesn't mind at all, and the idea of arguing with something that apparently makes her happy seems absurd and wrong.

Instead, he asks, "Does it bother you?" and she shakes her head before kissing him again.

"Variety is the spice of life, Michael," she repeats. And then, "We can talk about it later."

She takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom and Michael absolutely doesn't think about how on earth it works with Gavin, Griffon, and Geoff, or how it could work with the three of _them_.

Well, not a _lot_ anyway.

***

When it does happen — and of _course_ it happens, it _is_ pretty much inevitable — none of them are drunk. Michael wishes to God they were, but they aren't. It's not even a special occasion; just one more time that Gavin overstays his welcome until Michael's ready to throw him out with bodily force. Only then Lindsay kisses him and Michael freezes, staring at the two of them and waiting for the usual rise of jealousy. There isn't one, just a sense of wariness because he knows that he will be next.

Gavin pulls back, giving Lindsay an uncharacteristically hard look. He's the only one who has any experience with whatever the hell this is, and that thought is the strangest one Michael has ever had: when it comes to this, Gavin is more knowledgeable and experienced than anyone else Michael knows.

"Michael," Gavin says. "Have the two of you talked about this?"

"Yeah," he answers. "It's — we both knew this was going to happen."

"Okay, then," Gavin says, and crosses to Michael's chair to bring their mouths together.

It's different, but not bad, and when he opens his eyes, Lindsay is looking at them with heat in her eyes.

"To the bedroom, then?" Gavin asks, and Michael nods.

***

"Well," Lindsay says over breakfast the next morning. She takes a bite of eggs and chews thoughtfully before asking, "Are you two idiots going to be okay?"

Gavin shrugs. "It's never been a problem with Geoff and Griffon."

"Yeah, but you're _theirs_ ," Lindsay argues.

"Not always."

She raises an eyebrow, but smiles slowly and turns to Michael. "What about you?"

Michael shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "I'll be fine just as soon as my ass stops hurting."

Gavin laughs and Michael punches him, and it's no different than any other day.

"Good," Lindsay says. "We should do this again some time."

***

Geoff never actually says anything, but Michael can tell that he knows. Fucking Gavin probably told him. He doesn't seem to mind, though, not even when Gavin starts splitting his time between Michael and Linsday's and the Ramseys'.

It just seems to _work_ for all of them, and Michael isn't about to complain.

***

When Michael does, eventually, find his List of Reasons Why Lindsay is the Perfect Wife, he adds one very important item to the bottom of the list:

_#147: She knows what I need even before I do._

He really does have the perfect wife.

And thanks to her, they both also have the perfect boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Um...hi. So, I kinda stumbled into this fandom weeks ago and I've been trying to hold off on writing stuff until I actually catch up but there's SO FUCKING MUCH to watch that I had to get this out of my head before I get there. So...if there are any inconsistencies with characterization -- particularly with Lindsay -- PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TELL ME. Seriously, I am a fandom newbie and it is not going to upset me if you say, "Oh, Lindsay said this thing that directly contradicts you," because chances are, I haven't seen that thing yet and so your gentle correction will be much appreciated.
> 
> That said, hot damn do I just have this major love for Gavin Free: Happy Pansexual Polyamorous Imp who flits around between Michael/Lindsay and Geoff/Griffon and all five of them are fully aware of the situation and cool with it and it's just a normal part of their lives and not a big deal because it just _is_ , because that's life with Gavin Free.
> 
> Also...Michael's complete adoration of Lindsay may or may not be me bleeding through the characterization. I can't help it, y'all, she may actually be the best human being ever to be alive and we're all just going to have to accept that.
> 
> So...hi everyone, please don't hate me.


End file.
